Oh wow, I actually can't imagine living without J now, he's lived with me at my mum's and we've had our own place now for what feels like forever but it's only actually 3 months and I cannot lie, I adore it.
*Gushy alert* I don't think I have loved that boy more, I don't think I've hated him more, I sometimes catch myself looking at him and really appreciating the structure he gives to my life and how much he is willing to do for me. We have a had a little hiccup in the last week because J was made redundant off of one job and if you know anything about the construction trade, jobs are like yoyo's. You can be flush for a couple of months one min and then out of work for three weeks the next. Thankfully J was only out of work for THREE DAYS but I worried wayyyyyy more than I should have and was even contemplating moving back in with my mum. I know, I seriously overreacted.
But since living with J I have learnt a few things about life, our relationship in general and even about him and myself.
1. We each have our roles
Before all the feminists attack me here I am not meaning typical archaic roles of man and woman, where the man comes home and smokes a cigar and the woman greets him with a martini and serves dinner with an apron on. No no no, if you flip it and look at it from another angle, say me and J were a same sex couple, would we argue about who gets to smoke the cigar and who gets to serve the martini? No we'd just get on with doing what we are good at doing.
J is a fantastic cook And therefore he does the cooking in our house and he also cleans quite a bit because he likes to, sometimes I don't have to ask.
I'm great at organizing our life and planning for the next day/week/month So I look after the finances, do the pack up for the next day and do our laundry, all things that need more planning than just the here and now of making a meal. I do the thinks that affect the upcoming life and I clean our areas but more of a deeper clean. I employ him when I need help lifting things.
This set up suits us perfectly, we both work full time and we both do our fair share of house work, but I sort the finances.
2. You can't make someone as motivated as you are
I figured this out when J lost his job on Friday 22nd February and I was itching to make a CV for him and apply for jobs on Saturday and Sunday and he just wanted to chill out and do it Wednesday. I totally get where he was coming from, he needed to have his weekend as if it was a weekend and the bad news hadn't happened, he was entitled to his weekend. However we compromised and he applied for jobs by ringing on Monday and we did his CV together on Tuesday, the next day he received 3 job offers on the back of his CV. Had he done it at the weekend he would've only been out of work for one day but he really did need the rest. Self-employed people don't have "holiday pay".
But you can't make someone as motivated as you. You can try but they will never react the way you do to the same things.
I personally put my CV out there and wait for the jobs to come to me, J is reactive where as I am proactive and for that I know I will never change him. So you can never make someone as motivated as you are and you will only frustrate yourself if you're the proactive type and the reactive type will not yield to your suggestions. Give Up The Ghost.
3.Meal times are compromise
J is a much fussier eater than me. I will eat any food stuffs apart from celery. I don't know why but the smell and taste reminds me of a headache. J won't eat raw tomato's even though he likes ketchup, soup and any tomato based Italian cuisine and he also won't eat mushrooms and raw onions where as I have a pack of spring onions ready to go at any time on my salad for work and I love mushrooms. I adore mushroom risotto and I am intrigued to try mushroom paste.
The meal we share is teatime, I'm from Yorkshire so its breakfast dinner and tea, not breakfast lunch and dinner. Don't even get me started on brunch, brunch doesn't exist its just waking up late to have breakfast because you had a skinful the night before. So because we only share teatime, I can take what I like to work with me and Jack takes what he likes.
Also biscuits, I don't get a look in, they don't even reach the cupboard before he is crapping them out!
4. You have to actually do stuff with your hours after work
I work from 7:45 to 4pm and I love it. I get home for half past 4 and when we get home if I get home first I usually start making dinner or crack on with some house work straight away. Usually its the pots,Jack usually comes home after me but it it has been known that he is in before me. Previously when he worked in Wakefield which is the next city north west of us, he was home at 5. Now he doesn't get home until 6:30 which gives me enough time to sort out some dinner and have a shower myself. He will get home and either finish dinner off or plate up. I never plate up, I don't even know why.
I'd like to say that in between teatime and bedtime I accomplish things, I don't.
I watch TV and I chill out but it's important to not let this become every night otherwise you just end up living for work and teatime at home. A lot of my Facebook is now people showing of the event they get to go to in a full moon, where as when I was in my late teens early twenties it was club bathroom pictures and I was usually in all of them. You have a wake up call over time when no-one else is carrying the burden of household errands for you. AKA Mum's (the best creatures on earth)
5. You appreciate what your mum did for you
I honestly don't know how mothers do it. I'm sure I'll learn when it's time for me to experience motherhood as well but just holding down a full time job, studying for my AAT qualifications, blogging, feeding, dressing and cleaning myself AND starting a home and trying to furnish it, IS HARD WORK.
I was actually pleasantly surprised how much utilities cost and how much food costs as my mum makes it out to be way more expensive than it actually is but she is part time in comparison to me so I can't fault her for that. By doing this and sort of making me fear the expense this made me prepare for it as best as I could and I've already said in my Moving out post that it didn't take us long at all to get ready from no money to deposit and essential furniture.
6. Sex isn't the be-all and end all
I think J thought that moving in together we'd be shagging all the time but it is quite different to that, I would like to say we have it once a week, but it's probably once every ten days on average because of periods but when we do go at it we go at it. Ey ey!
This has turned into a sex and relationship column, let me know in the comments if you like this sort of content because I don't know how I feel about writing it. I've had relationships where all we did was shag because that's all we had, and this is so much more than that! I think you are ready to move in with someone when the sex part of your relationship is the cherry on top and not the whole bakewell tart.
Update: I have been drunk twice and therefore less self conscious about my belly rolls and let J shag me twice! YAY for alcohol!
7. Finance rules the roost
I'm lucky to know what I am doing with the bank accounts, and I'm also training to become an accountant so this is where my skills translate over into the home life. J is TERRIBLE with money. TERRIBLE. One day I will teach him how to manage it himself but for now before we buy our own house it'd be safer for me to deal with the accounts until we have a mortgage.
So the reason why finance rules the roost is simple. IF. YOU. GET. ONE. THING. RIGHT. GET YOUR. FINANCES. RIGHT.
If you run up debt while on your own it goes against no-ones name except your own. If you get a CCJ it affects no-one except the holders of the account which the payment has deferred from. If you get a court summons for not paying something you should have paid, it destroys your credit file, it can stop you from having certain jobs and can really mess up your life. Which is why I say Money is the #1 priority in your home. if you cannot afford it, don't buy it!
Simples
Unless you can afford it in installments and it is going to add quality and possibly more income into your home DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY.
*Gushy alert* I don't think I have loved that boy more, I don't think I've hated him more, I sometimes catch myself looking at him and really appreciating the structure he gives to my life and how much he is willing to do for me. We have a had a little hiccup in the last week because J was made redundant off of one job and if you know anything about the construction trade, jobs are like yoyo's. You can be flush for a couple of months one min and then out of work for three weeks the next. Thankfully J was only out of work for THREE DAYS but I worried wayyyyyy more than I should have and was even contemplating moving back in with my mum. I know, I seriously overreacted.
But since living with J I have learnt a few things about life, our relationship in general and even about him and myself.
1. We each have our roles
Before all the feminists attack me here I am not meaning typical archaic roles of man and woman, where the man comes home and smokes a cigar and the woman greets him with a martini and serves dinner with an apron on. No no no, if you flip it and look at it from another angle, say me and J were a same sex couple, would we argue about who gets to smoke the cigar and who gets to serve the martini? No we'd just get on with doing what we are good at doing.
J is a fantastic cook And therefore he does the cooking in our house and he also cleans quite a bit because he likes to, sometimes I don't have to ask.
I'm great at organizing our life and planning for the next day/week/month So I look after the finances, do the pack up for the next day and do our laundry, all things that need more planning than just the here and now of making a meal. I do the thinks that affect the upcoming life and I clean our areas but more of a deeper clean. I employ him when I need help lifting things.
This set up suits us perfectly, we both work full time and we both do our fair share of house work, but I sort the finances.
2. You can't make someone as motivated as you are
I figured this out when J lost his job on Friday 22nd February and I was itching to make a CV for him and apply for jobs on Saturday and Sunday and he just wanted to chill out and do it Wednesday. I totally get where he was coming from, he needed to have his weekend as if it was a weekend and the bad news hadn't happened, he was entitled to his weekend. However we compromised and he applied for jobs by ringing on Monday and we did his CV together on Tuesday, the next day he received 3 job offers on the back of his CV. Had he done it at the weekend he would've only been out of work for one day but he really did need the rest. Self-employed people don't have "holiday pay".
But you can't make someone as motivated as you. You can try but they will never react the way you do to the same things.
I personally put my CV out there and wait for the jobs to come to me, J is reactive where as I am proactive and for that I know I will never change him. So you can never make someone as motivated as you are and you will only frustrate yourself if you're the proactive type and the reactive type will not yield to your suggestions. Give Up The Ghost.
3.Meal times are compromise
J is a much fussier eater than me. I will eat any food stuffs apart from celery. I don't know why but the smell and taste reminds me of a headache. J won't eat raw tomato's even though he likes ketchup, soup and any tomato based Italian cuisine and he also won't eat mushrooms and raw onions where as I have a pack of spring onions ready to go at any time on my salad for work and I love mushrooms. I adore mushroom risotto and I am intrigued to try mushroom paste.
The meal we share is teatime, I'm from Yorkshire so its breakfast dinner and tea, not breakfast lunch and dinner. Don't even get me started on brunch, brunch doesn't exist its just waking up late to have breakfast because you had a skinful the night before. So because we only share teatime, I can take what I like to work with me and Jack takes what he likes.
Also biscuits, I don't get a look in, they don't even reach the cupboard before he is crapping them out!
4. You have to actually do stuff with your hours after work
I work from 7:45 to 4pm and I love it. I get home for half past 4 and when we get home if I get home first I usually start making dinner or crack on with some house work straight away. Usually its the pots,Jack usually comes home after me but it it has been known that he is in before me. Previously when he worked in Wakefield which is the next city north west of us, he was home at 5. Now he doesn't get home until 6:30 which gives me enough time to sort out some dinner and have a shower myself. He will get home and either finish dinner off or plate up. I never plate up, I don't even know why.
I'd like to say that in between teatime and bedtime I accomplish things, I don't.
I watch TV and I chill out but it's important to not let this become every night otherwise you just end up living for work and teatime at home. A lot of my Facebook is now people showing of the event they get to go to in a full moon, where as when I was in my late teens early twenties it was club bathroom pictures and I was usually in all of them. You have a wake up call over time when no-one else is carrying the burden of household errands for you. AKA Mum's (the best creatures on earth)
5. You appreciate what your mum did for you
I honestly don't know how mothers do it. I'm sure I'll learn when it's time for me to experience motherhood as well but just holding down a full time job, studying for my AAT qualifications, blogging, feeding, dressing and cleaning myself AND starting a home and trying to furnish it, IS HARD WORK.
I was actually pleasantly surprised how much utilities cost and how much food costs as my mum makes it out to be way more expensive than it actually is but she is part time in comparison to me so I can't fault her for that. By doing this and sort of making me fear the expense this made me prepare for it as best as I could and I've already said in my Moving out post that it didn't take us long at all to get ready from no money to deposit and essential furniture.
6. Sex isn't the be-all and end all
I think J thought that moving in together we'd be shagging all the time but it is quite different to that, I would like to say we have it once a week, but it's probably once every ten days on average because of periods but when we do go at it we go at it. Ey ey!
This has turned into a sex and relationship column, let me know in the comments if you like this sort of content because I don't know how I feel about writing it. I've had relationships where all we did was shag because that's all we had, and this is so much more than that! I think you are ready to move in with someone when the sex part of your relationship is the cherry on top and not the whole bakewell tart.
Update: I have been drunk twice and therefore less self conscious about my belly rolls and let J shag me twice! YAY for alcohol!
7. Finance rules the roost
I'm lucky to know what I am doing with the bank accounts, and I'm also training to become an accountant so this is where my skills translate over into the home life. J is TERRIBLE with money. TERRIBLE. One day I will teach him how to manage it himself but for now before we buy our own house it'd be safer for me to deal with the accounts until we have a mortgage.
So the reason why finance rules the roost is simple. IF. YOU. GET. ONE. THING. RIGHT. GET YOUR. FINANCES. RIGHT.
If you run up debt while on your own it goes against no-ones name except your own. If you get a CCJ it affects no-one except the holders of the account which the payment has deferred from. If you get a court summons for not paying something you should have paid, it destroys your credit file, it can stop you from having certain jobs and can really mess up your life. Which is why I say Money is the #1 priority in your home. if you cannot afford it, don't buy it!
Simples
Unless you can afford it in installments and it is going to add quality and possibly more income into your home DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY.
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