Being Single: Why It's Important7/14/2014
I had just split up with someone who I was mad for and came out of hospital for PTSD for an attack that happened a few months before that relationship, and needless to say I was fragile, the wind could have blew too hard and I would have broken. Cracks were surfacing.
I logged on to my facebook literally days after coming out of hospital after not being on for the duration of my visit, and had loads of messages from my ex's pub acquaintances asking me out on a date because although they were sorry to see I was single, I was "fit/beautiful/sexy" blah blah blah. Not only was I hoping to get back with the ex, I didn't think anyone was superior enough mentally to deal with my changing emotions, and the psychological shit that was whirring around my noggin. So I carefully let down the chivalrous offers and had some time to licking my wounds.
Three months had gone by and it had been the longest continuous time that had gone where I had not been out with someone, not been on a date, not even had a new number to text, not replied to the facebook chats, not spoke flirtatiously.
It was breath taking, I had totally eradicated something from the list of worries; Love.
When Love Fails, Life Prevails
A couple of months after the break up and recovery, I found myself getting myself slowly back unto my feet, first I got a Christmas temporary job at Dune Shoes which were more than accommodating, and found I had a real happiness in getting a smile from a customer so when the position came to a close I quickly got a job in a call centre full time. I then applied for something I've always wanted to do, I applied for university and was over the moon when I got accepted. I stayed with the company for around 9 month until I went to university, I was at university for another 9 months and during the summer period of year one and two I went back to the old position as a part time employee and then left because it conflicted with my university schedule.
Summer Fling Friend Disaster
During my summer of year 1 and 2 of university, I did something irrevocable to a relationship I held dear, I slept with it. Chris my friend for over 5 years and me had been to the gym together, gym hormones and sweaty bodies lingered around our long sturdy friendship, and turned it a bit sexy. We decided to go out because we were such good friends and if it didn't work out we'd just go back to that, right? WRONG, now in the summer of year 2 and 3, we hardly speak, and he has since deleted me from all platforms of social networking, and you know the hardest thing, even though I don't have any romantic feelings towards it, I miss my once best friend.
Walking on Type Rope without a Safety Net
Chris was my safety net, I thought because he thought I was kick ass as a friend he's surely going to find me as an amazing girlfriend, nope, it just was all wrong. So safety net was removed and I was left, not giving a toss about love, relationships and even sex, to walk the type rope of love alone. All this time single I had a good hard think about what I wanted in a guy, my true romantic type. When I first started talking to my now boyfriend Leigh on facebook, I knew straight away that we got along because we were firing off each other Hydrogen and Oxygen GAS, having a nerdy bender and talking for ages. When he plucked up the courage to ask me out (he told me he was scared) I grabbed at the chance because I liked him a lot already and that was through text and facebook.
So Why The Importance
Being truly deeply and a bit madly single taught me a lot of things about myself. It taught me what I wanted in a partner, what type of person I am, my own likes and dislikes. Where I was in life and where I wanted to end up, my readiness, my goals, my passions, the type of family I'd one day like to create with someone.
Surprisingly it taught me my flaws, like that I'm absolutely dire with money and I impulse buy.
It taught me how to SELF MANAGE my emotions and don't depend on anyone else to make you happy or happier. It made me a little selfish, in a good way, to not compromise my own self-worth for the happiness of someone else, and to realise when something is bad for me.
It taught me the corny bullsh*t, like how to accept myself and love myself in some respects because quoting Ru Paul here "If you don't love yourself, how the in the hell you gonna love somebody else".